Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
