this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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