Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
