She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
