i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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