He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
