Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
