Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
