he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
