Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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