roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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