i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
