How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
