Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
