So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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