he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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