i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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