found the other keg... it's in the tree
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
