I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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