...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
