I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
then he tried to convert me to islam
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
