so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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