Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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