you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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