you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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