he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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