Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
