i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
