we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
