You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No subtext here. People are naked.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
