part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i need some magic done to my vagina
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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