someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
