ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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