I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
