NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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