Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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