So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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