You surviving the open bar?
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Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
