Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
