ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.

  Fav 64 1448 3464

  share tweet
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  He played with my vagina like it was a turntable

  Fav 24 4457 1907

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (562): View more from California

  tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will

  (714): View more from California

  and a girl gets the red ring of death every month

  Fav 59 6430 1721

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.

  Fav 44 1336 6774

  share tweet
  

• (510): View more from California

  I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.

  Fav 10 6017 969

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

  Fav 22 6738 1064

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (330): View more from Ohio

  he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.

  Fav 6 3692 1308

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

  Fav 13 6768 1619

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded

  Fav 2 1222 766

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning

  Fav 4 604 1029

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.

  Fav 1 728 485

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (509): View more from Washington

  hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.

  Fav 3 851 402

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  You're the best friend ever.

  Fav 0 23 45

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?

  Fav 0 58 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..

  Fav 0 135 16

  share tweet
  

Randomize