lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
