Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
