make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
