so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
