Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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