im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
