I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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