I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
