his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize