DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You made out with two different species that night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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