So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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