what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize