The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
