Are we in a gay sports bar?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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