My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
