If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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