did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize