What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
