I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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