I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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