oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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