It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
