Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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