Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
