do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
God, I missed his penis.
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